I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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