Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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