I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
