We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
