does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish i was in the wii world.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
