after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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