Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
