I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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