What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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