good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
