Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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