Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
