I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
