i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i believe in u and ur pee
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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