Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
