where does the pee come out of this thing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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