I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if only i could text you this smell
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
