so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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