my vag is so smooth its legendary
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The best revenge is premature balding
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
