Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
