You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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