there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
