Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
