just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
