Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
