i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
