i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
