i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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