Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
