I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
