Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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