i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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