This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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