if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
