What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
