omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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