im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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