if i can run in heels then i can drive
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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