yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
