There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
