A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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