What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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