he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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