Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
