dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
