I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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