Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You smell like stripper and shame
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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