after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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