She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
