one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
