i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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