Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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