I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
